Life Venture

I often wonder if the type of person that I am is the type of person I would like to be. The kind of person I would have picked for myself. I get jealous, angry, vengeful, and often hateful not on many but on my fair share of people. While these are not words I would like to use to describe myself sometimes it cannont be helped. In my time dating Chris there has been only one obstacle,... Jordan. While he is Chris x, we have had our share of fights about him, I hated him before I met chris because of the type of person he is. But chris hung out with him behind my back, I got over it, all though it was difficult to say the least, a lot of trusting and risk taking had to be done to forgive and forget espically after hearing from other people. Yet tonight he still asked me to hang out with Jordan. I was so angry I told him it would make me mad then he said "fine." Everyday Matt tells me only bad thing he hears about Chris from Jordan, Matt's former enemy now friend ever since I started hanging out with Chris. Coincedental? He feeds matt stories and matt tells me everything he says, However matt was right when he told me Chris visited Jordan. Jordan often calls chris and tells him he has no friends here, that no body likes him and it makes me very happy, but I am careful to hide this from Chris. Tonight Matt called him and Jordan was home alone, with nothing to do. I became very happy and couldnt help but smile to myself. I again wondered why this brought me such happiness and what kind of person this once more makes me.